Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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