dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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