Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
