wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
