I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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