You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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