I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
