She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
