did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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