can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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