So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
