I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
