I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize