I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
