I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
