just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
