He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
