my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
