the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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