why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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