this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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