Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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