you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
