big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
