I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
