i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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