the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
