Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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