They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
