i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
