I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize