Your face is a jimmy john
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
