There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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