my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize