i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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