yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
