What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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