i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
