I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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