Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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