i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
