All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
