I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
