he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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