I puked a lego.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
