Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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