I think my vagina is haunted
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
two words: eviction party
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
