she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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