I love black thongs
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
