You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize