tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize