The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
