I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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