Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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