Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize