Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
