So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
