the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
