My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
