Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
