It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
