i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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