I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
pray to the hookup gods
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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