We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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