I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
