Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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