im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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