Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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