His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
