At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
