I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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