Will you blow on my dice?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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