I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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