In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
