They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
